Keeping up our mental health can often end up feeling like a full time job in itself. Can anyone else relate? Whether its because of a fast paced lifestyle that you just can’t seem to slow down, or you are in the season of life where you are simply required to juggle so many plates at once- I see you.
Seeing that you are reading this on a website called Your Inner Voice Guide… ummm I’m going to take a guess that ‘Inner Work’ is something you are consciously doing in your life? 🙂 Consistent or not, well that’s a different story and I am totally guilty of it myself! Lets be honest- its nobody’s idea of fun to hold space and feel all those hard and heavy feelings. Many of us are really good at doing this for others. We may even get a sense of identity and purpose from doing that. But when it comes to our own story- its so much easier to avoid them, numb those feelings, distract yourself by filling up your diary so much, that there simply is no time.
This is so human. You are SO allowed.
I’ve been here so many times- more than I’d like to admit. Bingewatching on Netflix happens to be my choice of avoidance 🙈
Its too hard, too painful, too heavy to face your traumas. It can feel like that even with facing our beliefs and emotions. Even with the best of our intentions, its not easy to always keep our practices up. Inner Work IS exhausting and there is no denying this at all. I used to feel like I’m competing in the Olympics, I had to get myself in such a particular mindset before ‘tackling’ the emotions. (Thinking about it makes me laugh now).
I’ve had my fair shares of ‘getting lost’. That’s how I’d describe it anyway and if you’ve been there too, you know what I mean. A few years ago, I had a whole year of ‘getting lost’- an unintended ‘sabbatical’ from Inner Work/ Self Growth/ Self Development.
In all honesty, I was just so fed up of having to ‘fix’ myself. All this brokenness and needing to process all these heavy emotions. Granted it was the path I chose- to grow and to know myself. For someone with what I’d assume is an average level of traumatic life experiences and unresolved emotions to process, I decided I was too much of a mess & I’m over it!
“This Inner Work is never ending. I’ve learnt enough about myself, I’ve grown enough and my life is already so much better than before. I accept this level is fine for me. I’ve done well to come this far but I’ve had enough of processing past emotions. Finding another part of me to heal. No more, please! A normal life for me now, thank you very much!” Something along the lines of this, plus a good measure of swearing & total embodiment of sorry-for-myself.
It wasn’t a big dramatic declaration like that at the time. In fact, it wasn’t even a conscious realisation. Its like falling under a spell and you’re not even aware. Weeks went by- I avoided and numbed instead of facing the emotions. They just wanted to be acknowledged and felt- only now I realise. I didn’t have it in me to do that. Then, I thought these emotions and beliefs had an agenda against me. I did do other forms of superficial ‘self care’ to make up for it though to keep things from tipping over.
I also focused more on my work, had a lot of fun at the weekends, enjoyed time with friends & got enough rest and alone time in between. The cycle went like that over and over again. Less and less painful emotions and traumas were bothering me. Finally life was getting ‘easier’ and I was getting a good balance. I was finally happy!
Surprise, surprise- I was wrong! On the outside, life was good and happy. But the shell cannot hold itself forever when the inside is wilting away. Without realising in choosing the easier path of avoiding, I was simply focusing instead on a one dimensional version of ‘what made me happy’. I just got so good at avoiding- but no amount of refusing to acknowledge them makes them truly go away. I drifted so far away from my ‘spiritual path’. I didn’t feel connected to my soul anymore. I’d even forgotten to connect. I was ‘happy’ enough on the outside but its like in the Matrix.
Once you know, you CANNOT un-know.
Once you choose the red pill, once you have the awakening- even the tiniest realisation of your soul- the knowing never leaves you no matter how deep it is buried or how long its ignored for. Once you embark on the path of self-growth, you see that true happiness and fulfilment can only come when you are walking towards your soul. This is not something you can unlearn. You simply cannot go back to a life of superficial happiness and meaning. Doing so feels like a betrayal of some sort. The biggest one too- betraying yourself! Its not just the mental and physical health you look after, you now have your spiritual and emotional health to look after too.
The weight of it all & the burden of this responsibility was too much to take for my mind. Now I know, it wasn’t for the mind to carry on its own.
Looking back, I have so much compassion for that version of me. The one that gave up. If that is you right now, I have so much compassion for you too. I get you. Its ok.
You did what you could, until you couldn’t anymore.
You are only human. You are so allowed.
Fast forward to today. Do I jump up in excitement when a heavy emotion comes up and a part inside me needs healing? Nope, not at all. Have I found more ‘ease’ in this.? Yes 100%. Ease doesn’t mean to say things are easier/ life gets easier. EASE and EASY are not the same.
Ease simply means to me, that there is less of a fight to accept myself, others and whatever situation I may find myself in. This is the gift I found in connecting to my Inner Being.
Going beyond the realisation that this ‘entity’ is there. This presence I could call upon when I needed it (soul, oversoul, divine self, spirit, God, Source, Universe- whatever name you call and know it by). I could receive love from it. I would feel guided and safe. Going even beyond this too! Even further, deeper!
Fully embodying this higher consciousness- acknowledging who I really am as a soul. Inner Voice practice made this possible for me. To recognise this presence as not something outside of me- but inside and part of me. That at the deepest level, this is who I am. I get to be here on Earth School. In this lifetime, I get to learn the lessons my soul is here for. I get to have the life experiences that my soul chose. I get to unravel and add layers to myself at the same time. To unlearn and learn. To unbecome and in the same process, become so much more.
I even get to have fun playing my human character. There’s ‘Inner Work’ and then there’s ‘Inner Play’. When we can start to recognise ourselves as our soul, as we embark on the journey to surrender the ego-self, to integrate our mind personality with all that we are- we get to PLAY.
This is how we can start to find ease in the inner work. When we remember that a part of us, at one level- we are already perfect. We already have all the answers. Everything we want and need, we have and we can get. We can see from our mind’s human perspective AND our soul perspective too. LIVING this new realisation as part of my tangible experience and going beyond just having an intellectual understanding of it has been a beautiful journey in finding ease in inner work again. One that I didn’t even embark on knowingly and if I’m honest, an outcome I didn’t even know to seek.
After all, if you’d told me Inner Work is/can be easy. I’d have probably punched you!
Its been true for me at least 🙂 If you’d like to see for yourself and are curious, I’m hoping to create some free resources to help you get started. If you feel drawn to a session in the mean time, here’s how we can
work play together 🙂
There will be a part 2 to this post. Likely it will be called How to find JOY in your inner work next time. An appropriate sequel to finding ease 🙂 The words haven’t come to me yet but when they do, I’ll see you again!
Big hugs xx